Crossing the line - Part 2

I am thankful for Susan's post about the action in Kansas City. I did take it a bit different, though.
After crossing the line - in a group of amazingly 17 people ! - we were warned by the security of NSC National Security Campus and then again by the police and then we were asked to turn around to be handcuffed. Well I hadn't expected that but I could deal with it well. Then we were lead to some chairs at the side to sit down. Yes, the police actually did provide chairs for us to sit down right behind the purple line. And it was 11 chairs - the amount of people the police were told before that would cross the line. Only it turned out to be even more. Okay, this was a bit ridiculous.

For me something else became really ridiculous: As soon as I was handcuffed (for the first time in my life) my nose and my eyes started to itch - but no way of using your fingers to get relief! Oh well, I had to use Susans shoulder ... hahaha.
Then the police made a big deal about searching us for weapons and anything dangerous, turning the pockets of our jeans inside out - really stupid.
Then they took everybodies ID and took photos - I hope I looked nice, haha.
Then we got a ticket and were released one after the other with the same court date for everybody, July 11th 2019.
After going back to the group I felt a bit lonely and then went to Betsy and Brian to get a hug - which they lovingly did.
In the evening back at our place at Cherith Brook I broke down.
Jodie came to see us and it was good to talk to her - thank your Jodie.
I had a really strong headache, I could sense the world around me only through a layer of mist, I was tired and restless at the same time, lay on my bed without sleeping, couldn't move, got up at 9:30 pm to cook dinner ...
Now looking back I can only say that the whole action really did take me in.  There were so many emotions during the day - grief about the dead, tears during the die-in, rage about the system and the officials of sites like this, fear about what might happen to me during the arrest, uncertainty about what to say to the police, anger about not taking the chance to talk to the police about what they are doing and how they could maybe help to change the system, feeling lost in a world like this ...
The next morning I found out through my family back home that I too (like the other Germans) have a letter from Buechel about the action last year (Strafbefehl) - and first I freaked out about this (by now it's solved, thank you Peter). I am not familiar with all this. I am not professional in doing this, I am still new in this "business".
I am not a big thinker, I do actions like this because I FEEL I have to do it - being a mom, a catholic worker, a peace activist. And now I am a nuke aktivist.
But I pay for it.

Well I am okay now and I am writing this being at St. Josephhouse in Rochester, NY, where we again were welcomed so warmly as in every other catholic worker on this trip. I love this family. Thank you all so much!

And I want to say this to the people at Cherith Brook, too! Thanks for being our family, thanks for the great work you are doing. I learned so much when helping with the showers and when holding hands for prayer and during the community dinner and when talking about space and life in the evenings and when cleaning the stove and just by being with you!!